You Probably Shouldn't Own A Pet If You Know You Will Kill It.

My parents asked me several times when I was younger if I wanted a dog. I always said no, for the dog's sake. I would probably be too curious about what dogs can handle. You know, curiosity killed the cat. Except it was my curiosity, and it was a dog.

1. Don't drop your cat into a bag of leaves. They don't like leaves. Or being dropped. Or being enclosed in bags. (Don't worry I let the cat out of the bag later. Ahaha see what I did there.)

2. Don't throw your dog down the stairs. I will tell you right now, they're not like cats and will not land on their feet all the time.

3. When cleaning the fish tank, be aware that the fish that sticks to the side of the tank will also stick to you. And it is not at all pleasant, for you or the fish.

4. If you live in a neighborhood where stray cats tend to sleep behind bushes, check under your car before backing out. They like sleeping there too.

5. If the choice is between sticking your arm into a rose bush or letting your dog stick his face into a rose bush, choose neither. Just lure the dog away from the rose bush. Because even though you saved your dog from a painful fate, you literally thrust yourself into an equally painful situation.


...the above are all true stories. But don't worry, they all survived.